The Bastards Are Back !

Well it's October and that means beautiful fall colors, apple cider, baseball playoffs and these c...ks...kers. There are two kinds of people in this world, those that have had moles in there yards and those that haven't. Those that have had them can relate to my anger, frustration, humiliation and, yes, shame. I've had a problem with these frickin' pests for years and they have proved to be the most vexing and diabolical of God's creatures. I hate these devils more than anything including Islamic extremists and Best Buy salesmen. In keeping with Robert McNamara's 11 Rules of War I have tried to learn as much as possible about the enemy and have successfully applied this knowledge to "eliminate" at least a couple of these worm eating, tunneling bastards each "season". After an exhaustive amount of research and thru my experience I have come to these conclusions: 1) The only method that works in ridding your lawn of these vermin is trapping which fortunately kills as a byproduct. 2) Where you place the trap is crucial to achieve any real success. 3) There is only one kind of trap that actually works. 4) True success takes persistance, professional mole trappers are successful only 25% of the time. 5) The feelings of vengence, accomplishment, satisfaction, pride and joy when you pull the trap from the ground with a mole squished to death can not be duplicated by any other means including sex and drugs. I currently have a mole destroying my lawn and war has been declared, if I had a gauntlet it would be thrown.